"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
