I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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