Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
