ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
