I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is the high leading the old right now
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
