Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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