I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
