I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I need a burrito and a hug.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
tell me about the eggs
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
