yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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