I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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