I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
