I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
