Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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