I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
