Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We don't watch enough power rangers
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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