Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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