I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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