He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
