I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
A+ Viking dick
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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