i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
