loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
