the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
