I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
