I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
