I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We talked him into tasing himself.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
