You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
