Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
