You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
