Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
