My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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