Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
