she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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