There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just forgot I was standing up.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
