My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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