fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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