Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
