my vag is so smooth its legendary
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
