How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
