I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
