4 words: hood of his car
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
