Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
