I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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