i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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