So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
