Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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