Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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