i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
