So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Your cock deserves a montage
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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