It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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