I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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