Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Drake has all the answers
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
